Anthrophilla!
by Darkryt Orbinautz
Summary: The Autobot psychiatrist Wring Out...no, no, that's not his name. Uh...Ring? Rivet?...Rung! That's the one! The Autobot psychiatrist Rung has decided to take it upon himself to cure Twilight Sparkle of her misanthropy...Primus and/or Celestia help the poor Bot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**Disclaimer: Both Transformers and My Little Pony are the properties of Hasbro. This is a non-profit work intended for entertainment and speculative purpose only.**

**Darkryt Orbinautz presents...**

**Anthrophilla!**

* * *

Across the solar systems, Autobot and Decepticon alike were boarding their dropships and escape pods and piloting a course for their home, Cybertron. They heard the summons from the Core, and were eager to head home, war or not. Some rejected the notion, either being so violent they didn't want to return to a home of peace or just so used to a life of war they didn't know how to function anymore outside of it.

One particular Autobot was traveling back and forth between Cybertron, Earth, and Equestria. It made sense. His profession demanded meeting the Autobots individually and assessing them. His frame was lanky, white and orange, and virtually defenseless. Yes, this Autobot was none other than the Autobot psychiatrist Rang!

...No, no, that's not his name, his name was...what was it? Ding? Clang? Rivet? Big huge browplates? Has a clipboard, this...this... well, his name must not be that important if even the narration can't think of it.

Setting the disregard for the fourth wall aside, Wrangle was currently escorting one Twilight Sparkle to his old office for therapy. Twilight had objected, of course, claiming she was perfectly sane and not in any traumatized.

Twilight, as she walked beside Clink, wondering just what the Autobot had said to Optimus that convinced him to allow it. Sure, he was a therapist, but was Optimus that vulnerable to psychology? She had to make note of that. The idea of Optimus being suspecitable to psychobabble was interesting to her, indeed.

But in reality...

* * *

_Earlier..._

_"Look." Rung said, gesturing at the remnants of Damocles with, fittingly, the shrapnel of another of Twilight's doomsday devices. "She's clearly ready to exterminate the species at the smallest provocation, sir." Rung clasped his arms pleadingly. "Please, sir, just give me a chance."_

_Optimus looked back and forth between Rung and Damocles, hand cupped on his chin._

_"Sir?" Rung questioned Optimus' silence. _

_"She likes books." Optimus answered mysteriously before turning around and walking away. _

_"Oh, yes! Thank you sir!" _

_"One more thing, Rung..." _

_"Yes?"_

_"May Celestia's own Matrix have mercy on you and your quest." _

_"Gee..." Rung noted. "How very...inspiring of you, my liege."_

* * *

Twilight stopped to look at the grid of Changeling-filled screens above powering Cybertron now. A fitting faith for them, as far as she was concerned. Being undead, Twilight didn't need to breath. But that didn't keep her from noticing there was oxygen. Whether or not this was always a feature of Cybertron that disappeared with its shutdown, or a side-effect of using Changelings, she didn't know.

"Ah, here we are." Rung said to her once they arrived at a large tower with an elevator-like door. "Right this way, Miss Sparkle."

Twilight leered at the door, eyed Rung suspiciously, and stepped into the door. Once inside, she found that the building's interior smelled like quack doctors. Although, she wasn't sure how she knew what quack doctors smelled like.

"In there, please." Wrangle pointed at a particular room. Twilight entered it to find it was padded like for crazy ponies. She glared at Wrung, who had a glint in his optics.

"What are you having me do exactly?" Twilight asked as she walked into the room.

Rivet pulled out a human rag doll of a little blonde girl in overalls.

"This doll is specified to help cure you of your hatred of humans!" Wrangle exclaimed.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Really? Do you know what I've been through with them?"

"Yes." Rang answered. "And what you've been through with them is valid cause to develop an intense distrust towards them."

"I do have an intense distrust towards them!"

"You also have an _excruciating contempt_ for them to the point you have _no qualm_ about unleashing _doomsday machines_ or-or-or _ancient demons_ on them, which far exceeds the_ extent_ of how they've wronged you!"

Twilight's head tilted, not understanding what Rangle just said.

Roid shook his head. "Never mind. Just stay in here and hug this doll over and over for twenty minutes, and you should be cured!" He dropped the doll into Twilight's hooves.

Twilight hugged it.

"I love you!" A pre-recorded voice on the doll squeaked at her. Twilight glared at Ding, not amused by his choice of tools. Rang just smiled at her and gave the thumbs-up before sneaking out of the room and locking her in, leaving Twilight with a stuffed doll that she would have twenty minutes to hug and listen to her sweet, sweet words.

Twenty minutes later...

Roll or whatever his name was came back into the room. "Your twenty minutes are up, Twilight Sparkle! How are you feeling?"

Twilight sat on her haunches, bright-eyed and looking innocent. (Fake innocent, but Wrung didn't pick up on it.)

"Wonderful! That doll was excellent!"

"Glad to hear it!" Cling applauded and jumped up and down in applause. Then he noticed a discrepancy in the room. "...Where is the doll?"

"I liked her so much, I used a come-to-life spell on her!" Twilight told him. She started coughing. "Kaff...cough..."

"Are you all right, Twilight?"

"Yeah!" Twilight assured him. "Just got...(_cough_)...something in my throat. (_Cough...kaff...kauf! HAAACK!_)"

"Are you sure you don't need a lozenge?...Or perhaps the Heimlich maneuver?" Rung offered politely.

"(_HAAACK!)_"

Twilight coughed out the severed head of the doll onto the floor, where it's bright smiling face contrasted against the saliva and teeth marks in it.  
Rung stared down at it, not sure what to think with a sad pout on his face. He looked at Twilight.

Twilight made a very forced, innocent smile. Her teeth having turned to fangs of Dark Energon didn't help the effect much.

Roid scratched the back of his head. "Well...this is going to be harder than I thought."

* * *

**Author's Notes for "Anthrophilla"**

**Just a quick idea I had whilst reading Rung's TF Wiki page.  
**

**One review for "The Reign of Starscream" said that it was Twilight's fault all the humans around end up betraying her. Not my intended portrayal of things. It's really more Starscream's fault...and maybe Silas', to a lesser extent.**

**This has been sitting around in my document manager for awhile. I have some stories they are just one chapter in that I'd like to finish, but for some reason it's just not happening. What's one more on the workload, eh? I figured I might as well publish this one, as it's not doing anyone any good just sitting around in here...So, this will be marked as "Complete" until I am ready to continue it.  
**

**Plus, I want an opening to write Fanfiction using the stuff from James Roberts and John Barber's awesome stories.**

**And yes, when this is continued -which could take awhile, for various reasons which are part of my personal life- **

******...I will eventually get Lyra involved. **

******_Somehow._**

******I'm also going to experiment here: This isn't something I usually do, but hopefully someone saying the right thing will trigger a creative resurgence in my mind: **

******I will be accepting suggestions! **

******Edit: April, 2013, 12th; Okay. I was really confused by someone suggesting that I write a story featuring Spike and Grimlock. Then I realized that I hadn't clarified.**

******I meant suggestions for _this_ story, and what kind of hijinks Rung and Twilight could get into.**


	2. A Friend In Need

**Disclaimer: Both Transformers and My Little Pony are the properties of Hasbro. This is a non-profit work intended for entertainment and speculative purpose only.**

**Darkryt Orbinautz presents...**

**Anthrophilla!**

**Episode 2: **

**A Friend In Need **

**Episode Synopsis: When Rung petitions for help with Twilight's treatment, his friends eagerly reply...against his wishes.**

* * *

Rung tapped his stylus against his chin, observing the chewed up, spat out remnants of his custom doll on the floor, ignoring Twilight's attempts to feign innocence about it.

"You know what?" Rung asked. "I think I'm going to go petition for help with this. You are clearly going to be a difficult case for me..."

Rung turned around and left the building, making sure the door locked behind him and kept Twilight from escaping.

Twilight looked around the room to see if there were any security cameras or any other ways for somepony to observe her without her noticing. Seeing that there wasn't, she walked over to the doll's head and ate it again. She started to thoroughly enjoy the feel of the soft plushie material against her D.E fangs, gnawing on it like a chew toy rather than swallowing it whole.

"Mmm...!"

* * *

Rung walked into the building where all care taking Autobots went to when they needed to sign up some extra help.

He found himself right behind a lanky blue mechanoid, and looking over his shoulder, he saw there was a huge line to get into the reception desk.

He sighed. This was going to take awhile.

* * *

Meanwhile, Twilight eagerly nommed the plush in her mouth, no longer wanting to eat it. But instead, keep it as a chew toy. So far, she was content to just chew as long as it took for Ding-Dang to get back to her. There was a tiny, quiet knock on the door.

"Hmm?"

She spat out her doll's head, and raised up her neck to look at the door. She could hear talking on the other side, though she couldn't make out what was being said. After the conversation ended, the door bleeped, and opened with a whoosh. Twilight was a little surprised at who she saw...and even more surprised with the way she was dressed.

It was Lyra, an acquaintance of hers from Ponyville. She was dressed in a white blouse, with a red thingie on her neck, and a short skirt on her rear.

"Uh...hello, Lyra." Twilight greeted nervously. "...That's some...interesting clothing."

Lyra seemed absolutely elated at Twilight's compliment. "Really? You mean it!? Thank you so much! It's the way human Japanese school girls dress!"

Twilight was absolutely flabbergasted. Eye twitched, and jaw dropped, she barely managed to ask the question that immediately came to mind. "W-_why_ would you want to dress like that!?"

Lyra stuck her leg out and struck a pose. "Because it makes me look good."

Twilight blinked. "All right...what are you doing here, anyway?"

Lyra titled her neck and smirked. "I'm glad you asked! I heard about your issues with humans, and I have come to remedy the problem!"

"I don't have a problem!" Twilight denied.

Lyra shook her head and tsked. "Twilight, Twilight, Twilight...the first step to curing your problem is admitting you have one."

Twilight looked away bashfully. "I suppose that's true..." She took in a deep breath. "Okay! I have a problem!"

Lyra's eyes shimmered with pride. Now that Twilight was ready to admit it, surely they could work on it! "Yeees?"

"My problem is..." Twilight ended her sentence on a flat note. "That I'm stuck here."

Lyra pouted. She brought her leg over her head and pretend to faint. "Oh, Twilight! You were so close! We could have done something great together, if only you would admit your faults!"

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. "Over-dramatic, much, Lyra?"

Lyra looked at her. "No. Why?"

"Just asking..." Twilight rolled her eyes away, mentally preparing to deal with Rarity on a bad day more than Lyra. "Why are you so interested in what I think of the humans, anyway?"

Lyra snapped to, and Twilight could tell this was a subject close to her heart. (Which made her feel kinda guilty, honestly.) "Because the humans are fascinating! Their culture! Their way of doing things...it's a mystery to me! Can you drive a car? Can you tie your shoes with your thumb? Can you strum a guitar!?"

"I've driven a Morbot..." Twilight reflected. "I still have it, too...sometimes I use it for weekend errands."

Lyra shook her head. "No, no, no! You're missing the point! Look..." Lyra turned round and pulled out a piece of paper from her blouse. "Behold! My certificate for being an official Pony-Anthropologist!"

"Yay?" Twilight confusedly said in response, not knowing what to think.

Lyra took in a deep breath. "It's a mystery! ANTHROPOLOGY!"

_Oh, dear Celestia's Matrix,_ Twilight realized... Lyra was about to _sing._ A song. About humans.

To anypony else, it would have been amusing, perhaps a bit odd, for a unicorn to start singing about humans. To Twilight Sparkle, on the other hoof, that was-just just the ABSOLUTE WORST THING in the world!

* * *

Rung sighed. There was an echo of footsteps as the line moved forward.

"Hey!" A deep voice Rung knew whistled. Rung turned to see Whirl, an unusual Autobot with blue armor, a single yellow eye for a face that turned into a helicopter, who was so violent and psychopathic he would use swear words in front of the Princesses if he thought he could get away. Actually, he'd probably do it even if he didn't think he could get away, just to say he did. He approached and put a claw on Rung's shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"If you must know," Rung gritted, "I am looking for help with my patient Twilight Sparkle."

Whirl rubbed his chin. "What kind of help?"

"Psychiatric." Rung answered. "I'm trying to cure her of her misanthropy."

"Miss what a py?" Whirl questioned. He shook his head. "Never mind. I wouldn't get it anyway."

"Excuse me, Whirl," Rung gently lifted Whirl's claw off his shoulder. "But I must be going. The line is getting shorter."

"Yeah..." Whirl muttered, watching as Rung moved. How many doctors on Cybertron were in need of an assistant, anyway? Was it really that much?

Whirl grabbed Rung's shoulder and pulled him back. "Ow! Whirl? What are you doing?"

"Hey, listen." Whirl said, snapping his claw. "There's no way this place has enough interns to give you and everyone here their own understudy. So, so, you know what we're gonna do?"

"No..." Rung drawled. "And I don't think I want to..."

Whirl pointed, acting like he didn't hear Rung. "We're gonna gather up our buddies, and together, we will help you make this right!"

"WHAT!?" Rung exclaimed as Whirl dragged him away. "None of you have any training! Half of our friends are other patients of mine!"

Whirl ignored him and pressed on, activating his communicator. "Hey, Red Alert It's Whirl! ...No, I'm not calling to kill you (this time), Rung needs our help! Gather up the gang and meet us at the ward!"

"Oh, dear Celestia..." Rung put his hands over his optics. "There is no way this could end well."

"Sir?" The bot at the register called for Rung, as the rest of the line had finished their business. "Will you still be petitioning for an intern? I see your friend appears to be dragging you away, so..."

"No. No, I won't." Rung answered, sounding heartbroken.

Whirl transformed, catching and tangling him up on the winch cable of his Cybertronian helicopter mode, and flew towards the ward, the sound of his rotors beating absolutely torture on Rung's audio receptor.

"Can't you turn down the volume of your rotors!?" Rung shrieked.

"What!?" Whirl shouted back. "Sorry, can't hear ya over my rotors!"

Rung sighed. "It's gonna be a long day..."

Arriving quickly back to his private ward, Rung was both eased and alarmed by the sight of his and Whirl's buddies gathered around the outside of his ward, and he could over them discussing the problem before Whirl's rotors drowned the conversation. Red Alert, a red and white bot who turned into a police car with a rocket on his shoulder and paranoia as rampant as a Wrecker's violence. Drift, a pure-white with grey Autobot with a bend on this thing he called "The Light". There was also Skids, a dark blue with red accents Autobot with elements of a family van in his robot mode, and Swerve, a very short, stumpy bot who was red and white like Red Alert, but arranged differently, and a mouth wider than Cybertron and Equestria's mass put together.

"Well," Rung said, looking on the bright side. "At least Brainstorm isn't here. He'd give Twilight ideas."

"Oooh..." Whirl moaned, coming to stop in his daydream. "I'm...I'm imagining what Brainstorm could come up with if he had unicorn magic like Twilight's at his disposal."

Rung's optics widened. "That would be horrible! The results could rend worlds lifeless!"

"I know!" Whirl answered with disconcerting enthusiasm. "I've got to hook them up sometime..."

The Autobots on the ground below were continuing their conversation as they waited for Rung to return.

"So, does anyone know anything about what the problem is?" Skids asked.

"I don't know." Red Alert answered, pulling out a pistol. "Whirl just contacted me and told me to get our friends, so it must be something terrible. Maybe Rung's got a computer virus. Or he's been replaced by a Decepticon spy. Or one of those Changeling got loose and started feeding on his emotions."

"Or perhaps, maybe, just maybe, Whirl is pranking all of us?" Skids suggested more practically.

"Perhaps a patient is need of The Light." Drift dreamily murmured.

"Religious salvation for mental therapy?" Skids questioned.

"Hey, for some bots, it works."

"I heard Rung's taken up a famous pony called Twilight Sparkle as a patient." Swerve said. "And you know what else I heard? I heard that she hates humans, and nearly had Princess Celestia blow Optimus up, but they kissed and made up and now she and the Princess are good friends with Optimus!"

Swerve looked around with the intent for conspiracy. He beckoned for Drift and Skids to lean in. "I also heard that they go so close...that she gave Optimus a _tune up._"

Drift and Skids were understandably dubious.

"Where did you hear all this, Swerve?" Skids asked.

"Which part? The part with the Princess killing Optimus or the part with the tune-up?"

"The part with the tune-up, please..." Drift answered.

"Oh. Well, that part, that part I read on this great, fanciful newspaper from Equestria called "Gabby Gum's Gossip Column."

"So, let me make sure I have this right..." Skids muttered, beginning to list off on his red fingers. "You read a newspaper column, from an alien planet, that was_ specifically named_ as gossip...**and you believed it anyway!?**"

Swerve pursed his lips. "Yeah, sounds about right."

"I can't..." Skids grumbled, his body shaking from all the annoyance at Swerve he was holding in it. "Articulate...how that...makes me feel."

"Perhaps you should write a letter." Drift suggested.

Red Alert tapped Swerve on the shoulder, and whispered into the smaller bot's ear. "Remember, Swerve. If you ever get a letter from Skids, don't open it. It'll be rigged to blow."

"Blow? Like, blow as in _blow up?_" Swerve became horrified and gnawed on his fingertips. "Why would Skids do such a thing?"

"Because he _doesn't like you._ No one does."

"Even you?" Swerve quivered his lip at Red Alert.

"It's not that I don't like you, I'm just too paranoid to trust you." Red Alert assured him, before turning to everyone else. "That goes for all of you."

Everyone shut up when they saw Whirl descending with Rung in his winch. Red Alert stepped forward and raised his arms for Rung to fall into. Rung whimpered, clutching at the winch's cord, but eventually, seeing little other choice, he jumped, landing into Red Alert's arms without a hitch...except for the fact his weight brought Red Alert to the ground. Whirl transformed and landed by them, and didn't help them up. In fact, all he did was laugh.

Red Alert grumbled, shoving Rung off himself first, and then giving Rung a hand to help him up.

"Whirl called us here." Skids told Rung.

"I'm aware. Let's just go inside and see..."

As the Autobots marched towards the ward, they could hear singing coming from the door. The singing seemed to irritate Skids.

"What's going on!?" Swerve exclaimed.

"Let's find out!" Drift, a bot of action and not words, pulled out short-swords from his holster and kicked the door open, making it slam against the wall with a thud. The Autobot group rushed inside, to see a mint-green pony in a weird outfit singing, and Twilight curled up on the floor, her hooves over her ears.

Twilight saw them come in and looked up, putting her hooves down. She pointed at the mint-green pony. "C-can you make her stop singing?"

"Eeyup." Whirl answered. He reached into his back and pulled out a huge bazooka that was larger than his arms, and pointed it at the mare.

"Where do you _keep_ that thing, Whirl?"

"None of your scrapping business, Skids." Whirl answered, charging the bazooka up.

"And dress like us at Comic-Con-!" Lyra continued, unaware of the very large gun being aimed at him right now.

"No!" Drift and Skids moved to keep Whirl's gun from firing. "You know the Autobot code! Shooting an organic is strictly prohibited! Optimus Prime will tear you apart himself if he found out!"

Whirl grunted, but relented, letting Drift and Skids take the gun away from him. After all, how could Whirl engage in his pursuit of enjoying his psychopathic rage if Optimus killed him?

Lyra noticed the new arrivals, and finally stopped singing. "Oh, hello, everypony! I'm Lyra." She smiled sheepishly. "I heard about Twilight's problem and came here to help."

Rung bended down and put his hands on his knees. "And that was very sweet of you to want to help your friend like that, Lyra..."

Twilight pointed at her mouth and faked a gag. Whirl agreed with her statement completely.

"But do you think next time, perhaps you could tell me beforehand?"

Lyra saluted. "Can do!"

"Who are these bots?" Twilight questioned.

"These are Whirl, Swerve, Skids, Red Alert, and Drift." Rung introduced them.

"I hear you have a slight case of misanthropy, Twilight Sparkle!" Drift exclaimed.

"Yes." Twilight replied suspiciously, eying Drift warily, wondering where he was going with this.

"The Light teaches us to love all of Primus' constructs."

"Humans aren't Primus' constructs." Twilight informed him, well aware of the Cybertronian's mythology thanks to her love of books.

"Can you prove that?" Drift retorted sharply.

"Can you _disprove_ it?" Twilight snapped back. "Actually, I can! Just call Optimus. Ask him to commune with the Matrix, and he'll tell you."

"_No._" Rung put his foot down. "We are not calling Optimus Prime. You'll just tell him you've been cured and try to convince you don't need to be here."

Twilight was offended by Rung's accusation. "I would never do that! Yes, I might try to convince him I don't need to be here, but I wouldn't lie and say I was rehabilitated if I wasn't!"

"Well..." Rung clapped his hands together. "Since we're all here and have introduced ourselves, why don't you try to help Twilight work out her hatred?"

"Yeah!" Whirl raised his fists in the air and eagerly jumped into the fray. "Listen here, Twilight Sparkle, and listen good! When you hate something, there's only one thing you can do?"

"Yes...?" Twilight rasped, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You've got to stab it!"

"Yes..." Twilight nodded her head, imagining she was stabbing a human without Optimus or Celestia giving her consquences.

"You have to shoot it!"

"Yes!"

"YOU HAVE TO BURN IT DOWN!"

"YES!"

Rung raised his hand. "I'm sorry, Whirl...how does this help cure Twilight of her hatred?"

Whirl blinked, then lowered his raised fists. "Oh. Uh...is that what we're tryin' to do?"

Rung's whole face. He took a firm stance and pointed at the door. "If you're not going to be of actual help, then get out of my ward!"

"Okay...sheesh..." Whirl dejected muttered as he walked out the door.

Skids hmphed arrogantly.

Twilight watched Whirl go, then turned to Skids. "All right, Skids, what do you have for me?"

"Me? Nothing, actually. Quite frankly, I'm surprised you're not currently in a prison under charges of a war criminal!"

Twilight stepped backwards, disbelieving such a serious accusation. "W-what? W-why would I be a war criminal?"

"...What?" Skids shot back. "Did you really think we were all going to forget you nearly had Princess Celestia _killed_ Optimus Prime, the _greatest Autobot leader ever_, just because you got down on your knees with tears in your eyes and said _you were sorry!?_"

"THAT'S HOW IT WORKS ON EQUESTRIA!"

Skids', Rung's, and Swerve's jaws all dropped.

"I...I'm speechless." Skids stuttered.

"Wow." Swerve ooohed. "Equestria must be one _awesome_ place to live!"

Twilight nodded eagerly. "Oh, it is! The weather is great, and-"

"Uhp uhp uhp!" Rung held up his finger. "Don't try to change the subject!"

Swerve cleared his throat. "If I may offer a suggestion..." He held out a litle silver disc tied on a chain.

"What is that?" Rung asked dubiously, pointing at it.

"It's a pendulum. You know, for hypnotizing bots to do your bidding, serving your every whim!"

Twilight had her priorites straight, and her first concern about the pendulum...was whether or not it could be used on humans.

"Hypnotism is not an effect treatment for psychosis!" Rung snapped. "While it is possible to put someone under a trance and open to persuasion, they cannot be convinced to do something that is agaisnt their nature!"

"For human pendulums, yes." Swerve admitted. "But this is an Equestrian pendulum, so it has real Pony Magic sprinkled on it!"

"_Where_, dare I be so stupid as to ask, did you get such a thing, Swerve?" Skids drawled.

"Novelty store." Swerve answered, holding the pendulum up high. "Fun fact; due to their friendly and social nature, Equestrian stores are freely willing to accept Energon Shards and American dollar bills as payment, but because of Federal trade laws, American – and most nations', actually- stores don't take Energon Shards or Equestrian 'bits'. Cybertronian stores, however, are willing to take Equestrian bits since they're made of metal, but not American bills."

"Fascinating." Skids sighed in a tone that suggested he wasn't fascinated at all.

"Now, watch, behold, wonder and be amazed as I hypnotize Twilight into not hating humans!" Swerve happily leaned forward and began swinging the pendulum back and forth. Twilight frowned, and worriedly step backwards before she could fall under its power, but Lyra appeared behind her and shove Twilight back to it, where Twilight was unable to fight, her eyes lowering.

"Now, listen to me..." Swerve spoke in a mystical, spooky tone. "Repeat after me; I, Twilight Sparkle, do not hate the humans."

Twilight listened raptly and obeyed Swerve's commands, except for one tiny detail."Snamuh eht etah ton od, Elkraps Thgiliwt, I."

"Elk-raps Thig-lit-wit?" Skids questioned. "What's an Elk, and why would you wrap it?"

"She's doing what you said, but speaking it backwards!" Drift realized. He pulled out his short sword and pointed it at her. "She's possessed by demons!"

"We know that. Unfortunately, those 'demons' are Dark Energon and they're keeping her alive." Rung informed him. Drift bit his lip and put his sword back.

Swerve frowned at his failure. Red Alert bashed Swerve aside to take his turn, causing the pendulum to go where Twilight couldn't see it. Twilight silently resolved to herself she would make Swerve pay for hypnotizing like that.

"All right, listen to me, Twilight Sparkle." Red Alert said. "This is very important, and it has nothing do with the humans; _your friends are all planning to kill you."_

Rung put his hand over his face. "Oh, Primus..." Red Alert was about to try and spread his paranoia to Twilight, which, in theory, would be easy, as Twilight was already prone to bouts of paranoia on her own.

Twilight, of course, didn't accept this. She and her friends loved each other! They would never do that, no matter how much they may have got upset with each other. "E-even Fluttershy?"

"_Especially _Fluttershy!" Red Alert snapped. "It's always the quiet ones. She'll probably use poison to do it."

That made Twilight realize Red Alert was just talking crazy.

"Here." Red Alert reached into a pocket and pulled out a tiny bottle of something. "Here." He tossed it to Twilight, who caught it in her hoof. "This is an indicator. Completely harmless if ingested, but if you put it in or on something that's been laced with poison, it'll let you know. Put in your cup next time Fluttershy – if that _is _her **real name **– offers you some tea."

Twilight blinked, unamused, but she pocketed the bottle in her tail regardless.

Twilight blinked, unamused, but she pocketed the bottle in her tail regardless. She shook her head back and forth, then looked up to Red Alert, smirking at him as she issued her next challenge.

"What else do you have for me?" She turned her gaze on Skids and rubbed her hoof. "You know, something about you I find strangely alluring, Skids..."

"Oh?" Skids questioned. "Is it my dark and moody exterior? Does my sarcasm tickle your funny bone? Or perhaps my pessimism and contempt make me come across as extremely attractive? Or maybe it's because I'm not a paranoid loon, a chatterbox who uses hypnotism trinkets, or a shrink?"

"Well...yes!" Twilight admitted. "All those things..."

"Do you want to give _him _a tune-up, too?" Swerve questioned.

"What?"

"What?"

There was knock on the door. Rung angrily stomped to and opened it, expecting it to be, and yup, it was Whirl.

"Can I come back in?" Whirl begged, putting his claws together. "I am so lonely."

Rung pouted, but he moved to let Whirl in.

"So, where are we so far?" Whirl questioned.

"Well-" Swerve began to answer, but was cut off by the sound of an explosion that shook the building. "What was that?"

Rung dashed out the door to answer Swerve's question, and wherever he was seeing, it presumably wasn't good, as he slumped against the door frame and sighed. "Oh, no..."

"What? What is it?" Everypony rushed to the door to find out what was going.

Ahead of them, leaping from rooftop to rooftop, was Ultra Magnus, leader of the Wreckers. Chasing him and firing lasers that were causing more explosions like the one that caught their attention was a strange jet Twilight hadn't see before. It was mostly white, with some light green on its undercarriage and dark purple on his wings.

"I thought Shockwave had a truce going!?" Twilight shrieked.

"Just because he does doesn't mean the 'Cons will obey!" Whirl shrieked.

The mysterious Decepticon got a lucky shot in, crumbling down the very rooftop Magnus was standing on, making the proud Wrecker disappear beneath the smoke and falling rubble.

"No!" Twilight yelled, not realizing it would take more than that to do in a Wrecker, but Magnus didn't emerge from the smoke anytime soon.

The jet flew towards them and transformed, landing in front of them. His colors were the same in his robot mode as his jet mode. His chest was purple with black wings jutting from them, most of his limbs were white, and his armor below the knee was purple. He had a red visor, sharp fins on his helmet, and a white faceplate. Twilight was confused, as she could see treads, wheels, and claws on various parts of his legs and back, but he turned into a jet, so...why would he have treads?

The Decepticon aimed a large white gun at them. "Where's Ultra Magnus? I know he's around here somewhere!"

"Why do you want to know, huh?" Whirl demanded, pointing a claw.

"Let's just say our good Wrecker has made some bad enemies with the wrong Decepticons..." He answered.

"Who are you, anyways?"

"Oh, my apologies." The Decepticon said mockingly, putting his gun over his chest. "My name is Sixshot." Sixshot, having introduced himself, transformed...into a tank, and blasted Whirl in the chest, sending him flying into the wall of the ward!

"A-a-a Decepticon with two alternate modes!?" Twilight stuttered, amazed, terrified, and fascinated at the concept.

"More than that!" Sixshot growled, transforming from a tank to a robotic model of a huge wolf. He lunged forward and pinned Rung down, much to the therapist's horror. Red Alert bravely rushed forward and kicked Sixshot off. Sixshot converted back to his robot mode.

"Rung helped me overcome my paranoia and get it down to a manageable level to the point I could trust people again!...Barely." Red Alert shouted at Sixshot. Twilight wondered what Red Alert's paranoia was like _before_ Rung got to him. "I won't let you hurt him!" Red Alert fired his shoulder rocket. The projectile sped towards Sixshot, but Sixshot grabbed it in mid-flight and held it in his hand until all its propellent ran out. Sixshot then crushed it and tossed to the ground before shooting Red Alert in the knees.

"I'm not here to kill you all, as much as I love mayhem." Sixshot told them. "I just want Ultra Magnus."

"Excuse you!"

Sixshot turned around to see Rung standing by the ward's entrance, barely holding Whirl's bazooka on his shoulder.

"I was trying to work on one of my patients before you showed up! You are violating a truce on Decepticon Lord Shockwave's orders, and further more, you're just plain rude! So! I don't normally do this sort of thing. I'm a talker, not a fighter, but you...you! YOU **GET THE** _**PONY HELL**_ **OUT OF MY WARD!**"

Rung fired the bazooka, and a huge metal shell casing came flying at Sixshot. Sixshot didn't react quickly enough to grab it like he did Red Alert's rocket, so it him in the chest, making him stagger backwards from the explosion. Sixshot stood there, regarding the smoking hole now in his chest.

"I'm impressed." Sixshot muttered. "I _almost _**felt** that."

Sixshot raised his weapon and causally gunned Rung down, shooting him in the shoulder. "Almost."

Sixshot then turned to Twilight and Lyra. Twilight whimpered and put her hoof over her eyes, while Lyra was too paralyzed with fear to do anything. Sixshot seemed surprised to see Lyra.

"Hey..." Sixshot drawled, pointing his gun at Lyra. "You...you're wearing one of those outfits!"

Twilight lifted her hoof, and joined Lyra in looking over her outfit. "W-what outfit?"

"Those outfits that the little girls wear in those human cartoons that I like!" Sixshot explained. "The ones with the females with impossibly long hair and boys with equally impossible swords!"

"What?" Twilight blanched.

"Hang on, I think I know what he's talking about... you mean, animes?"

"Yeah! Yeah, that's it!"

Lyra breathed her hoof and smirked at Twilight, rubbing this into her face. "Well, then..."

"I'll take 'Awkward Conversations with a Decepticon Killer' for 700, Alec." The downed Whirl quipped.

"In fact, I find that so cute, I might just be convinced to let you live!" Sixshot said.

Twilight and Lyra became hopeful. "R-really?"

Sixshot pointed his gun at them and clicked it.

"I said I might be _convinced.__"_

* * *

_To Be Continued?_

* * *

**Author's Note for "A Friend In Need"**

**The title is _not_ a reference to that S3 Song.**

**Lyra's lyrics _are_ a reference to "Anthropology!" by Awkward Marina, I think it was.  
**

**Sixshot's love of anime, is, of course, referencing his role in the Headmasters anime.**

**Sixshot's role original belonged to Overlord, of course, what with the attempting to kill Magnus thing.  
**

**The usage of bold referring to the comic traditions of words randomly being in bold, as it is a comic this story takes much of its inspiration from.  
**

**Not the first time I made a reference to Sam and Max's famous "Where do you keep that thing? None of your business." exchange.**

**I figured out why I don't like working on this story; 1) I want to emulate James Roberts' wonderful sense of humor, but...come on. It's _James Roberts. _2) It's a HUMOR story, and the LAST time I did THAT...oooogh, I don't even want to talk about it...  
**

**And remember; if you have suggestions for this story, don't be afraid to share! (But bear in mind, for _this_ story and this story only.)**


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